He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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