every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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