you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
