Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
