i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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