Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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