We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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