God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
