Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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