using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
