I think I died a long time ago.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just made my gag reflex go away.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
