mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
soo... how was my night?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
