Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
