Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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