I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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