i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
