You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
