Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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