this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
