she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
