i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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