cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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