i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
