This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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