Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
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Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
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Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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