Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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