how can u be prego again
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
