You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
