You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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