Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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