I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
