i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This is the high leading the old right now
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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