I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
