You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
