yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
