I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
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He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
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We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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