Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
