Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
