Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
