Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
