If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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