Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
