Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize