I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
