Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
