you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
