Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
