I hope mine doesn't look like that
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
