You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
