I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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