i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
