Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
