Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
