she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
