What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
