hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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