Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
