I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
