You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
