wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
