I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
