Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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