We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
