I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
