Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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