He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
