you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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