Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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