The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
