how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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