my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
