Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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